Profile on J. Alison Hilber

*This ran originally in the Williston Whistle

Read Alison's column Passion Is An Inside Job

** There's an excerpt from Alison's book at the end. You can also visit her website at www.changehowyousee.com 

The bumper sticker on Alison Hilber's car reads "Change how you see, not how you look." That pretty much says it for Alison, who's life's work is to provide a safe space for women to tell their stories, celebrate their bodies, and change the way they see themselves. Alison's deep commitment to her own spiritual growth and that of other women is reflected in her workshops, which she has been facilitating since receiving her B.A. in Transpersonal Psychology at Burlington College. "Burlington College is one of the very few colleges offering this specialty," says Alison. "Transpersonal psychology is about getting outside of your head and seeing the connections between the body, mind, and spirit." This field of study uses a holistic approach to dealing with personal issues, and includes a variety of healing techniques from psychology and shamanism to acupuncture, massage, and healing touch. "We need to stop thinking of our illnesses as being just in the body, or just in the mind," she adds. "These things are all connected, and we have to treat ourselves as whole beings. Personally, I had and continue to have body issues because I grew up fat in a thin-obsessed society. This is a special area in which I have been able to help women heal, and these nontraditional techniques can help women change their mindset that our bodies are separate from our minds and spirits."

All this might seem a little surprising considering that Alison's background was fairly traditional. Born in Duluth, Minnesota, she spent most of her first thirty years in New Mexico. She found her first job out of high school in a law office, but soon found it a bit too intense for an inexperienced 18-year-old. Nevertheless, a few years later she received her paralegal degree, and has worked in the legal profession ever since. In her personal life, she was nearing the end of a nearly ten-year relationship, and realized that things were just too safe. "No one encouraged me to grow or stretch. It was like being in a box, and I had to get out." So, she moved from New Mexico to New Hampshire, where her spiritual mentor lived, and began aligning herself with her path of inner truth. On the professional side, she started what would be a six-year tenure with the New Hampshire Supreme Court as a court service representative. "It was a perfect opportunity for me to learn just what I was capable of. I loved it there," she adds, "but in the big picture, the political atmosphere in New Hampshire was too conservative for me. It didn't support me as a woman, a lesbian, or a democrat. I needed to live somewhere like Vermont, where local politics reflected my belief that the personal IS political." Being a person of action to suit her words, Alison moved to Westford in 1991, and soon got a new position with a Burlington law firm.

After a few years, Alison realized that the Universe was changing her life for the better, even though things were no longer quite so clear cut. "I handed control of my life over to my higher power, and waited for something to happen. Less than a week later, I was laid off my job. I took it as a very definite sign." Over the next few months of unemployment, she moved into Burlington and worked at coming to terms with her life. By the end of the summer, she had decided to return to school at the age of 41, in spite of the six-year time table. "My little downtown apartment became like a womb," she adds, "it was two blocks from everything important in my life: work, school, and the Unitarian Universalist Society," where she where was an active member and committee chair.

After a conversation with a friend who suggested she go into the ministry, Alison considered attending seminary to become a Unitarian Universalist minister, but soon realized that there were other ways to minister. "I seem to be able to find the right words for people in pain, and this gives them comfort," Alison says. "It's something that works through me, rather than from me. Call it Goddess, God, Higher Self, the Universe, the Divine or whatever - it's all about being connected with that force that guides each of us." She has been becoming more and more aware of how those energies are acting in her life and learning from numerous spiritual sources. "I hear my truth in many philosophies, including Asian, Eastern, and even some Western." says Alison. "Lately, I have been listening to a channeler of Abraham, learning about the presence of abundance in my life. Energy creates reality, and if we can open ourselves up to the abundance all around us, we can move through our fears of not having enough money, or enough love, or enough whatever. There's plenty for everyone!"

In response to her growing focus on her spiritual path, Alison began offering her "Change How You See, Not How You Look" body celebration workshops for women in 1995, consisting of six two-hour sessions. The first ones were produced through the Unitarian Universalist Society of Burlington (the church at the top of Church Street). They soon gained popularity and are now offered four times a year in and outside of the church. "We have a choice; we can be victims of our culture, or we can change the tapes in our heads to express self-acceptance and self-love; that's my goal with the workshops!" says Alison. While she has occasionally offered shorter weekend workshops, she soon accepted that the six-week program was more effective because they give women time to process the ideas and try them out in their day-to-day life. "I can offer a more intensive workshop with advanced participants, but I've found that beginners need time to absorb the material," says Alison. "When I ask them to try something, it could take them a week or two to really internalize that idea. For example, I might ask them to not say anything (negative) to themselves that they wouldn't say to another woman. That's something that takes practice."

Alison's workshops include a variety of healing exercises, including meditations, visualizations, and journaling, along with dancing, drawing, and sculpting, which help participants bond with each other and connect with their own spiritual strength. "What empowers me is seeing women shifting from a self-hating attitude to one of self-love," Alison says about her success with the workshops. "And, of course, I am learning and growing right along with them, because we all teach what we have to learn." One of the techniques she uses is called a "body dialogue." She asks participants to sit in front of a mirror at home (preferably unclothed), and have a conversation with their bodies. "This is a tough thing for some women, because they are angry at their own bodies. When they listen carefully, their bodies say things like 'how do you think it makes me feel to know that you hate me? I need love and respect and care!' That feeling that we are separate from our bodies has really hurt women's attitudes toward themselves."

In addition to her workshops and her full-time "day job" at McNeil, Leddy & Sheahan, Alison is writing a book on body image and self-esteem. "There are plenty of books out there on body image and size issues, but many of them still tell us that getting thin will make us happy. My book is about loving our bodies and our selves right now." Alison says. The book is about three-quarters written, and she is currently sending query letters to agents. Her vision is of a small, inexpensive book that is accessible to all women. "It's not about teaching women anything they don't already know deep down. It's about helping them remember that they are perfect just as they are."

Alison also sings with the Samadhi Singers (Sanskrit for "one with the holy"), and occasionally acts, most recently in "Reflections," a play about eating disorders. "I got involved with this play because, when I first saw it, all the actors were thin. I told the director that I thought this gave a mixed message that although eating disorders were dangerous, they did work in making women thin. The director responded that she was just waiting for the right person to join the cast, so I decided I needed to walk the walk, not just talk the talk." With all of her passion currently absorbed in pursuing her life's work, Alison has had little time for a love life, but she's perfectly fine with that for now. "I knew I would have to make some hard choices, but in many ways one's calling is not about choice. I can see the difference my work has made in women's lives, and that's what feeds me right now. I know the right woman will come along when I'm ready."

Alison's future is as busy as her past, with plans for an advanced workshop and completion of her book filling her time. "I need all the energy I can get, and have recently moved to a more conscious and organic way of eating. Healthy eating is not about will power, it's about self-care. For me, it just means I have just as much of a craving for zucchini as I do for chocolate fudge. And they both taste great." She also bikes and walks regularly during the summer, and loves to dance. "You have to choose an exercise you love, or you just set yourself up to fail."

In making a difference in our community, Alison is truly living her passion every day. "We are all perfect just the way we are," says Alison," and if you don't feel that way yet, there's no time like the present to start learning."

Excerpt from Alison's Book: Change How You See, Not How You Look

See your body as a vehicle. She needs to be given attention, be fed a properly balanced fuel, have regular check-ups, be cleaned and pampered, be protected from bumps and nicks, be well oiled to move efficiently and painlessly, and sometimes accessorized in order to show off her personality. Vehicles come in all shapes, sizes, colors, and ages. Some run smoother than others; some get a higher octane fuel; some may have been in a few more accidents or lived in a rougher neighborhood than others; some get used more than others. Where they will take you and how well they work for as long as they are needed depends on how well cared for they are. And that's the owner's responsibility.

See your body as your child. She counts on you to take care of her and love her unconditionally so she can feel good about herself and show herself off with pride and self-love. She will always try to be there for you and do as you wish. However, she will not function well if abused, verbally or physically. She will become beaten down and miserable and depressed and unhappy. She may even become ill in order to get your attention. She needs you to be her protector and her champion. She needs you to shield her from outside abuse and intolerance. She needs you to give her comfort and praise. If she feels fully and unconditionally accepted by you, it will matter a lot less what anyone outside says or does. She can face the outside intolerance if she knows she is safe with you.

See your body as a temple. She deserves to be viewed and treated in a sacred manner, to be spoken to with reverence, to be worshiped as the source of your breath, your fire, your power, your life blood. Indeed, it is your body that houses your soul, and provides you a place to integrate your whole being in this physical reality so you may proceed with your life's mission.

Your body is you. She deserves to be treated with love and respect and honor, just as you do; to be celebrated for who she is right this minute, and for the space she takes up in the world. But all that must begin with you. If you don't love and celebrate her, how can anyone else be expected to? And even if they do, you won't believe them. So start right now loving your body for the precious gift she is. Stop all negative body talk. Don't ever get on a scale again. Stop spending money and energy trying to meet someone else's idea of what's "acceptable." And gather the support of other women, rather than competing against them. As African-American Drummer Ubaka Hill says, "Women united can never be defeated." You'll be amazed at the results. Changing your perspective does change your life.