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Popcorn Reviews
With Cybèle: Star Wars: Episode 1 The Phantom Menace
By Cybèle Elaine Werts
CybeleW@aol.com
First published in the Shelburne
News, Shelburne Vermont
Popcorn Kernel Rating (four possible): 2.5
Kernels for a movie as technically magnificent as we expected,
but still kind of thin on plot and character.
Every once in a while, I see a movie because
it’s cultural significance demands it of me. This was the case
with Star Wars: Episode one. Unless you were dozing off the last
twenty years, you already know what the trilogy of Star Wars is
about. And unless you were in a coma the last three months, you
already know what this prequel is about. After all, who could
miss the magazine articles, advertisements, commercials,
interviews, posters, toys, candy, and tacobell/pizza hut/KFC
mugging me at every turn? So even if my friend Anne, who is a
fellow Movie Cognoscenti, hadn’t suggested it, I would have
gone to see the movie to see if the fuss was worth the bother.
The thing to know here is that any George Lucas film of this
enormity is going to have excellent production values. That
means the acting, action, characters, and overall feel of the
film is very real and seamless. So we know that even if we’re
not into action flicks, this will be a fun one, which it is.
There are really cool computer animated charactors who run about
like "muppets on steroids" as my friend Todd describes
it. There are race scenes, tears, and political intrigue (the
mild sort), all made magic by the master hand of George Lucas.
But let’s say these ringing endorsements
aren’t enough for you. Anne tells me that the movie is
basically a product vehicle, a movie designed to sell millions
of dollars of paraphernalia. She’s right, and you’ll notice
this as you watch Queen Amidala change into yet another colorful
outfit ,and crowds of cute alien characters march across the
screen. And what if you are a woman looking at this film? Well,
don’t wait for Queen Amidala to knock over any bad guys in
hand-to-hand combat. After spending the first hour changing from
one fashion to another, she spends the second hour shooting away
with the troops. Sure, I give her credit for not hanging around
helplessly, but neither did she make much happen on her own.
Consider this, not a single Jedi was female. There weren’t
even any Jedi that were gender neutral (like many of the other
characters. All of them were clearly men from good old Yoda
(Frank Oz) to Mace Windu (Samuel L. Jackson). Annoying,
definitely.
And to make things even more silly, Lucas
relied on stale plot constructs to explain the star quality of
child Jedi Anakin Skywalker (Jake Lloyd) who would grow up to be
Darth Vadar. It’s not enough that he just has the force within
him. No, his mom Shmi Skywalker (Pernilla August), bore him and
raised him without knowing who the father is, which apparently
explains the force running around his blood like beetles. One
possibility is that she’s a virgin mother (like the Virgin
Mary), the other that she was impregnated by some kind of alien.
Why is it that virginity confers some sort of special strength?
And why is it always on the part of a woman? The thought of
Obi-Wan Kenobi being virginal is ridiculous. And if it was an
alien, how did the kid come out so darn cute and human looking?
You may remember this same concept in Elizabeth, where the
queen, having boffed her boyfriend for years, declared herself a
Virgin Queen and went on to grander things. If you ask me, it’s
about time our society dropped those silly backward ideas and
recognized that spiritual power is inherent in all of us,
virgins or not.
Eh hem, getting off my soapbox, let me just
add that Star Wars Episode 1 is everything the kids will love,
and more. So grab those movie tickets and put aside a few bucks
for the toys you’ll be buying when they drag you to Toys-R-Us
five minutes after the movie has ended.
Suggested Gustatory Accompaniment: Star Wars
themed chocolate bars
Copyright 2000
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