Alison's Article on Passion

Alison's Book 
is now available for sale!
*Enter "Hilber" in the author field 
to find the listing.

 Change How You See, Not How You Look:
Power Tools for Celebrating Your Body

Click here to read the profile I wrote on Alison for the Williston Whistle

Passion Is An Inside Job
By J. Alison Hilber
www.changehowyousee.com 

NOTE TO READERS: My friend Cybèle and I spend countless hours, utilizing various forms of telecommunication, discussing the internal/external aspects of living a full, joyful, spiritual and passionate life. We have indeed mulled over some earth shattering personal growth issues, many times to the point of clarity and understanding, and occasionally to the point of resolution. Thus did it go with the subject of Passion. Does it relate solely to sex? We both passionately agreed not. So, other than the “throes of passion” we all relate to the engaging of physical bodies with each other, what constitutes living a passionate life? We decided to write our views, without further consultation, and see how they were both divergent and compatible. You can also read Cybèle's column by clicking here.

Passion is simple and complex; focused and diverse; minute and universal; subdued and ecstatic; sacred and playful; heartful and soulful. It’s something you feel and something you do. It’s an emotion, an intention, a lifestyle. At least it is for me. Some people might find this to be an exhausting way to live. I think it is far more tiring to be cut off from your passionate nature, than it is to live, as I once heard someone describe it, with ferocious tenacity. Passion and intensity go hand in hand, but they shouldn’t be confused with being obsessive or controlling or frantic or fearful. Passion is about feeling deeply and reverently about whatever activity you are engaged in. It is, indeed, about being fully engaged and awake. Thich Naht Hahn calls it mindfulness.

The idea of passion for me is manifest most intensely by my life’s work. I remember years and years and years of feeling lost at a very core level because I didn’t have a “passion” in life. Friends and family would talk about the joy of being in the garden or learning a new skill or climbing the career ladder or escaping to a quiet place to paint. Everyone seemed to have something that pulled at them, almost against their will, and joyfully consumed their energy. This was not a feeling I was familiar with, and I felt the lack of it quite poignantly. And so for all those years, I searched and longed for it. I tried to find it in my various jobs, though I always seemed to be too afraid to risk moving out of the secretarial box. I looked for it in my friendships, seeking out, sometimes desperately, those people who seemed to have already achieved this elusive goal. I took lots of classes: guitar, calligraphy, drawing. I even tried that “write children’s books in your spare time” program. At last, I decided that the passion I was seeking must reside in my partner, so relationships became the sole focus of my desire, which, as we all know, is not particularly healthy for either party. It certainly wasn’t healthy for me. And, bottom line: none of those things were filling that empty, nagging space.

In the early 1970s, I met someone who finally helped me see the light. She taught me that none of those yearnings were going to be met from the outside. Passion, I learned, is an inside job. Although it can be externally manifested, it begins at a soul level, that place where your true essence resides, waiting to be discovered… or rather, remembered. My radiant essence began to glow as I absorbed the concepts of spiritual journey, personal growth, self-knowledge, self-awareness, and unconditional love. These now are the foundation of my passionate flow. Having discovered the little trick of looking inside first, I eventually made the decision to do only that which feeds my soul, and that has led to me finding passion in nearly everything I do or feel or desire.

Interestingly, as I learned to listen to my own inner voice, I made another life-changing discovery: that passion and drama are not synonymous. Passion can be, and often is, prayerful and meditative. But for a long time, I thought that if a situation wasn’t accompanied with a lot of fanfare and vocalization, it didn’t qualify as possessing passion. Unfortunately, this also led to a lot more suffering and exaggeration than most situations ever deserved. The drama actually veiled the passion, and almost always led to sadness and hurt and sometimes irreparable damage. So, self-imposed drama has been nearly eliminated from my responses to the world. My little inner child occasionally misses the rush of upping the dramatic ante, and I try to listen to her rationalizations for it. But, rarely anymore does she get her own way. And she’s beginning to understand that, no matter how much attention it might garner, the rush just ain’t worth it anymore!

As my life philosophy grows and changes and gains clarity, one cornerstone is steadfast, and that is gratitude. Once I began the practice of living in gratitude and opening my heart equally to circumstances, whether perceived good or difficult, I also found my level of passion increase exponentially. This, to my delight, opened my senses to things to which the word “passion” had not heretofore applied in my life. Things like finally finding the perfect iron skillet for my limited cooking endeavors; stroking the soft, curly fur of my cat’s belly and feeling the bubble of her purr; lingering, easy conversations with people of like mind and heart; long, more intense dialogues with people of differing perceptions; immediate connection with no need for the foreplay of small talk; appreciating the “preciousness of the unfulfilled desire” and the anticipation of its manifestation; the deep satisfaction of having a strong belief and a focused intention; those increasingly less-fleeting moments of seeing my true essence and knowing that I can do anything I choose to do; writing articles about passion, and other subjects, in hopes of touching another person’s truth with my own; knowing that passion can fuel compassion and is indeed a path to unconditional love.

Finding passion in even the smallest delights has infused the intensity of finally unearthing my life’s work. That which I had spent so many years envying in others began welling up inside of me during my foray back to school, and the path led me to see how everything to that point had prepared me perfectly for the manifestation of my mission. Now, I find some of my greatest joy in facilitating my body-image workshops, helping women move from the traps of hatred and shame and anger, to the havens of self-love, acceptance, and celebration.

I know that by continuing to live my life with awareness and intention, I will continue to have a passion for change, for clarity, and for the adventure of life. But I will also remember that happiness is fickle and joy is sustaining, that all things pass, and that a sense of humor is the greatest gift of all. It is only life, after all. Strive to live it passionately.

©October 19, 2001