Friends often ask me if the events in my columns really happened. The answer is yes, they happened, but no, not as literally as it might appear. I change names or dates or places make the message clearer. If I used this sentence to describe the minutia of which names or which dates or which places were changed, the paragraph would be long and dull, and so would the column. My goal is not to describe an event, but to express the fundamental meaning of the event. It’s not what happened that’s important, it’s why it happened.

Writing about the patterns of life is one thing, but understanding their impact is something else entirely. For example, in the movie It’s A Wonderful Life, we know that Jimmy Stewart’s existence was important because without him, his brother would have died, the druggist would have gone out of business, and many poor families would never have had the opportunity to buy their own homes. Measurable differences. Looking at my own life, things are not so well delineated.

Could my contributions as a graphic designer have changed anyone’s life? How about my columns? How about when I sold computers? Is there any way to know if my space wouldn’t simply have been filled by another designer or writer or salesperson? Faith tells me that there is a big picture, even if I cannot see it. But wouldn’t it be so much easier if I could have just a little sign? I don’t need a lightening strike or anything robust, a little static electricity would do.

My mom used to say that the purpose of life was to enjoy ourselves. That we can do anything we want as long as we don’t hurt anyone. Having no descendants frees me to live radically, without regard for my sins being revisited on any children. On the other hand, children are the traditional way that people measure their impact on the world. Not that children guarantee a better world; they may grow up to have more interest in waxing their car than feeding a hungry child. But if impact is not based on children or plotted by a Hollywood director, then faith might be the only thing left. Unlike my columns which explore the essence of an event, real life is a thousand details buzzing about the garden like lost bees. In the end, the only answer that is undenyable is that one less person went hungry today.

Copyright January, 1999

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