A couple of years ago I picked up The Rules, a dating manual espousing an old fashioned style of dating for woman, from taking a “passive” approach to playing hard to get. The book attracted a large following of women fed up with relationships that weren’t going anywhere, as well as some hostility from modern men and women, including myself.

It took a while for me to take the whole thing seriously because I am a 90’s woman, independent and self sufficient, and have always dated in an overt and proactive manner. Dispite this, or perhaps because of it, my relationships weren’t going so well - plenty of cool whip but few strawberries. I decided to try out The Rules for three months, a period sufficient to prove or disprove their theories. I memorized chapter and verse, tacked the short version up on the refrigerator door, and took the ladylike approach every time I interacted with a potential date.

And... I didn’t find a relationship.

It’s a year later now, and today I am even more committed than ever to following The Rules. It’s a little hard to explain why, because while I haven’t developed a relationship, there are many more subtle benefits. Before The Rules. I rowed the relationship boat for both myself and my dates, with the result that the boat rarely got out to sea. It was a lot of effort that didn’t pay off. Although I did have relationships, they were invariably with men who were not ready for primetime. Today, I no longer pursue men and I demand to be treated like a lady. The result is that I don’t get tangled up with men who want a quickie, a buddy, or a doormat. Now that same energy is directed toward friends, hobbies, work - and myself. I am more balanced and calm, with none of the stress of near-love experiences that were really hormones in disguise.

While assertiveness may be an advantage in business, it is a disadvantage in relationships - for women anyway. Right or wrong; sexist or not; it is true. It may not be “natural order” but it is so culturally ingrained that it may as well be. In the same way, pantyhose are waste of money and resources. But they are a cultural norm which I have to buy into if I want to be successful in corporate America. The Rules don’t you to sit around like a couch potato and expect a relationship to show up on the doorstep, you have to do your part too (God helps those who help themselves).

Will it work for you? If you have been insecure and fearful in the past, you may benefit more from Guerrilla Dating Tactics - a funny and proactive approach to dating. But if your love life is more duds than suds, give it the three month try and see for yourself. You have nothing to lose, and only self respect to gain. Good luck Rules Girls!