For years my sister has been trying to get me to eat vegetables- not the yummy starchy ones like potatoes and corn, but the healthy green ones. “They fight everything from cancer to carpal tunnel syndrome” she says with a glint in her eye. With all those nutrition books stacked high on her desk, she probably knows what she’s talking about. I may stock my fridge with well-intended veggies, but weeks later all I can find are squishy blobs in an ungodly green. Even mile-long buffet tables don’t tempt me away from the taco bar, so maybe there’s just no hope.

So what’s my problem then? Maybe it’s because take-out buffalo wings are less labor-intensive. Maybe it’s that iceberg lettuce is about as nutritional as a chunk of Styrofoam. Maybe it’s all that chewing. Not to mention all that chopping being pretty daunting at the end of a long day. After 7 PM, tossing something in the microwave is my personal best. The real thrill of being an adult is eating whatever I want, whenever I want. Maybe even a bowl of popcorn for dinner, with no one the wiser.

Perhaps there’s some rationalization in popcorn’s fiber content, but the bottom line is that I put a lot of stock (so to speak) in “soul food,” the stuff that makes your heart go aflutter. For me it’s those liquid cherry chocolates that come out around Christmastime, or zingy tangy things like artichoke salad. Yummy foods feed the inner child, the inner soul, and the inner tummy. That’s why my food bank donations usually include gooey caramels or maybe some macadamia nuts. Canned soup, tuna, and spaghetti feed the body but not the spirit. Chocolate peanut turtles may not be “healthy” but they give hope to a scared child.

I’m no purist though. I’ll put a frozen Hershey bar up against a Lindt truffle any day, which may explain why my cupboards stock more Betty Crocker than baking chocolate. As my friend KK Wilder says, “Betty put millions of dollars into getting it just right, so who are we to argue?” I think of it as Laissez-faire cooking, food that doesn’t discriminate. Besides, those brownies with the caramel topping make me swoon.

Here’s the funny thing though, as a caterer I can take a tomato and create art. I do things with cucumbers that will blast your socks off. I can carve ormolu out of eggplant. But as far as actual vegie intake, I’m a failure, aside from those weekends when eating my own products is good for businesss. Too bad I don’t cater every weekend, It would probably do a lot for my sister’s peace of mind.

The really sad thing is that I simply can’t take my sister’s vegetable advice to heart. It’s not that she doesn’t know her greens, It’s just that I know about those oreos stashed in her pantry. Maybe when it comes down to it, it’s all soul food. I’ll have to remember to ask Peter when I get to the pearly gates.

Copyright February, 1999